Better food = better mood

I'm feeling better today.  I'm back on track with my eating, and went for a bike ride today with my husband.  Well he ran, and I rode my bike.  We went over 13 miles!  He did great!

As we were out there, I was thinking about my first bike ride almost 2 years ago, and how hard it was to go 4.5 miles, and I wanted to die after that.  And I did 13.5 today, and it was nothing.  I was going slow, for bike riding, but my husband was doing great!  I think he was running 8:30/mile, which is awesome. 

Anyway, I had a healthy good breakfast, and a healthy lunch, and just feel better.  I'm tired though because my jerk dogs didn't let me sleep in this morning like I wanted to.  :) I'm going to shower, do the dishes, and then maybe give myself a manicure, and then maybe later take a hot bath, and give myself a clay mask :) That sounds like the perfect way to spend my Saturday night, since Craig will be spending his doing nothing on the couch :)

Struggling...

...and I hate it.  And I hate talking about it.  Which is why I haven't been writing.  I did get in my two half hour training runs, which was good.  But thats really all I can say about this week that was good.  The rest of it - not so much.  Thats ALL the exercise I did.  I haven't logged my food consistently for a couple of weeks.  The reason - not eating right.  Eating pizza, nachos, and cookies and just other junk.  I've gained 5 lbs.  I'm back up to 210.  I know most of it is bloating, so I'm not worried that I really gained 5 lbs.

I just hate when I'm doing good, and am in a good place, something holds me back.  I don't know why.  I was at 93 lbs lost.  So close to being under 200 for the first time in 11 years, and close to losing 100 lbs. 

The only thing thats good, is I always come back to it.  I logged my food yesterday, went running, and just over all did better.  I was over my "weight loss" calories, but was under my "weight maintenance" calories, which was good. 

My run was HARD yesterday.  I did 2.5 miles in 29:54.  The time wasn't bad, but it was just physically hard for me. I felt like I couldn't breathe, my legs were sore.  My ankles and shins were tired.  I know it was because of the shoes I wore yesterday at work.  There was an old Grandma there walking - and when I came up behind her, she started running.  Well, there was NO way I was going to let this 70+ year old woman run faster than me - so lol, I pushed it a little harder, and got a head of her, and wouldn't let myself walk, because I didn't want to be passed by her ;) lol. 

Anyway.  I'm ending this month better than the past few weeks have been.  I plan on starting May off the right way.  I need to get in more exercise each week, other than my 2 weekly runs, and my long run on the weekends.  I want to get in a couple of bike rides, weather permitting.  I also really NEED to start doing some sort of strength training.  So I guess back to work out DVDs once or twice a week.  There is no excuse for me being this lazy.

I'm a different person

I look at that above picture, and its hard to explain how I feel. I know I'm not at the end of this WL journey that started over 4 years ago, I still have 50 or so more pounds to lose, but this picture just really highlights the changes I've made. I was so unhappy in that first picture. Unhappy with just everything about myself. I hated the way I looked, and hated how fat I had gotten, how I felt, just everything. I was 298 lbs in that picture. And I felt it. Now, at 205, I just feel so much better. I'm lighter, physically, and emotionally too. And I think it just shows in that picture. I had my hair cut on Friday, and I love it. I love that someone actually just did what they thought would look good, and it does. I am so happy that all of that hair is gone!  Look at my neck!  I have a neck!  I have collar bones! :)  My eyes aren't hidden by the fat in my cheeks anymore. 


I've had a pretty good week. I didn't get in both of my half hour training runs, but did get one in on Thursday afternoon. It was a beautiful afternoon, and I'm glad I was able to run outside. I did 2.5 miles under a half hour. Which was great!


Yesterday was my long run of the week. 5 miles. I decided to run at the park again, since it was so nice out. I'm supposed to be doing my long runs according the the training guide I'm following, which means I'm supposed to be doing run/walk intervals at set times through out the run.  I decided to ditch that yesterday and try to make my goal of running 5 miles in under an hour.  I've been trying to do that for MONTHS now.  I think the closest I got was just over one hour in the past.  But I was hyped up on caffeine yesterday, and decided to try again.  I walked for the first 4 mins, but then ran the rest of the way.  On the last lap, my husband (who had already finished HIS five miles in under 40 mins - jerk ;)) joined me about halfway around the loop.  By that point I just wanted to take a walking break, but I knew if I did, I would not make it.  He helped me and pushed me and encouraged me to keep running.  We ran the last bit together, and I sprinted as best as I could to the end - and stopped my watch.


59:24!!!!!!!!!


I finally did it!  I love that my husband was there with me, and ran it in with me.  He's been so encouraging through out this whole thing, and I'm thankful for that. 


I feel like my outside, with my new hair cut, now matches how I feel inside.  I feel so good, and happy.  And that hair was weighing me down.  I'm reaching my goals, and thats awesome. 


My new goal?  10 miles in under 2 hours.  Oh and of course, finishing the marathon in October!

Wind

I had a nice run this afternoon.  I havent gone running for several days, so it was nice to get outside and enjoy nature.  My mp3 player died after one song, so I ran without music.  I did my 2nd long run, and did 4.5 miles.  I only needed to do 4, but I dont have a 4 mile route planned out around my house. 

I listened to the wind blowing through the trees, heard branches creaking from the wind.  I heard birds chirping, and fighting with each other.  I saw a hawk flying around, a couple of times, and it was carrying something it planned to eat later.  The sun was out, and it was nice to feel it on my face. 

I thought about things that have been bothering me the past couple of days.  And I came to the conclusion that people are jerks sometimes.  There is nothing I can do about it, and I dont know why I let stupid things bother me so much.  I am happy with how my life is, and I just need to remember that.  And not let stupid comments bother me and make me question my decsions and my life. 

With how windy it was today, I remembered when Erika went running last year, and was almost hit with half a tree, lol. 

I had a pretty good weekend, overall.  Yesterday I was able to sleep in until 9:30, and then spent the day reading.  It was cold and rainy most of yesterday, so it was the perfect way to spend a Saturday.   Today was equally as lazy, but at least I did get out an run :)

I've been struggling with my eating - I've been junk non stop for a few days.  Well, not NON stop, I had a few decent meals here and here.  But I need to get back on track, I want to be under 200 by the middle of May.  I'm done with being in the 200's. 

I need to go take a shower.  And my husband needs to stop watching Waterworld.  There is a reason it was like the biggest bomb of all time ;) And thats probably the reason its on ION. 

Ever have just an ordinary day that makes your heart happy?

Thats the type of day I had today. I don't know why, I didn't do anything special. In fact, I did my least favorite thing today. I cleaned the house. I hate cleaning! It was a beautiful day out. I had the windows open, the sun was shining. I danced and sang while I cleaned, and just had a nice day. I ended the afternoon by going for a short run. 2.2 miles in 26:42. It was hot! But the breeze and the sun felt nice.

My husband was cracking me up this evening, and my dogs had "happy tails" :) They've learned the sound of laughter and always react happy to it.

We're healthy, happy, have food in our cupboards, and a roof (although crappy) over our heads. The dogs are doing well, and we're hopeful that the injections Pixie started will help with her back. I was able to sit on the couch with my legs crossed! :) The sun was shining, and it was over 80 degrees. Craig helped clean up the trails, and met someone who my Mom met at the restaurant where she works, in Traverse City. The dogs enjoyed the sunshine too, and I had Pixie chasing a stick out in the yard. Cocoa laid in the sun :) I listened to my two new favorite songs on repeat for like an hour or so, and then listened to them on my run.  

And I've lost .4 lbs this week.  207.4! 

I know that our roof is not in good shape right now, but I'm just happy about everything else, that its not worrying me. We'll get it fixed, some how.

Looking good girl!

:) Thats what my neighbor said to me as I walked, then ran past his house this morning on my first official "long" run of training.  It made me smile, because yes, I am looking, and FEELING good, and to be called girl at my age :)

So I ran 3.2 miles today, and did it on the bike path, and the mile loop around my house.  I would have rather been at the park, but in an effort to conserve gas I stayed around here.  I'd ride my bike up to the park, but they dont have a bike rack where I could lock my bike up while I ran.  They really need one. 

It was a nice run, it was still cloudy and kind of cold when I went, but overall, it wasnt too bad.  I did it in 39:20, which equals a 12:14 pace.  Which, is pretty awesome, considering I ran/walked at a 2:1 ratio.  I didnt run fast when I was running, just a steady pace.  I didnt want this to become speed work.  I want to follow the book exactly this time.  I just need to re read it again.  I'm following Jeff Galloway's training guide.  At least this time I have enough time to follow it exactly, and the first few long runs are "easy" for me, since I know I can run those distances. 

I also went mt biking today, and made up "my" hills.  It took me two tries on the first one, and I made it up the 2nd, more difficult hill in one try.  Well, I made it to the top, but had to stop because I was running into a tree.  But I did make it up.  :) I'm so NOT coordinated, its almost dangerous for me to mt bike.  But its so much fun!  I did not fall, which is good for my first time out, however I did hit a root, and slammed a personal area into the stem of the bike.  It didnt feel good!

First Official Training Run!

I did it on Tuesday.  It was my first half hour run for the week, and I need to get at least one more in (probably tomorrow AM) and then my long run this weekend.  

I did it on the treadmill because the weather continues to be crappy.  I'm so tired of it!  I love running outside, and am just tired of the treadmill.  It was a decent run.  2.5 miles in 31:10. 

This weather is just getting to me.  I havent been eating right, and dont really care. Which is ok some of the time, but not like half the week.  Hopefully this weekend will be the turning point, and I'll be able to get outside more often.  And be more into eating well, and exercising and running regularly.  I did buy a bunch of fruit this week, so that should help.  I think I bought 4 lbs of apples, and 8 lbs of oranges!  Yum! 

My long run for this week is 3 miles, which is good.  I love that I can look at a 3 mile run, and think that its short.  :)

My pants are falling off! :)

But thats a good thing!  I put on the biggest pair of pants I've ever bought today.  I bought them for a work Christmas party in Dec 2006.  I remember how frustrated I was when I was shopping that day.  I went to every store in our city that carries plus sized clothing.  Nothing fit.  Everything only went up to a 24, and I had convinced myself it was because everything was running small.  It wasnt that my big ass was a size 26, oh no ;)  I refused to buy a 26, but it didnt matter because I couldnt even FIND anything in a 26.  It was an awful day. 

I finally found a pair of size 24 pants that I could put on if I sucked it in.  I've put them on various times over the past 4 years, but they have NEVER fallen off me.  They would get stuck on my stomach or my ass.  Not today!  Today I pulled them on, and they promptly fell off.  They wouldnt even stay on at ALL!

:) Big smiles!!  I just remember that day and how awful I felt, and how frustrated I was, and how much in deinal I was.  I can almost fit in one of the legs!  I cant even remember what I looked like then, and when I put those pants on, I cant even picture what I looked like to fill them out.  But I DID fill them out, thats for sure. 

I remember how I felt that day, shopping, and in that time of my life.  I'm no longer that person, physically or mentally.  That person coudlnt look in the mirror, and say something nice about herself, and that person wouldnt have run A mile, let alone train for a marathon. 

What do thunderstorms and ice pellet/hail storms have in common?

They have the ability to get me to run faster! :) I've been running in a thunderstorm (last summer), and when I saw lighting and was about a mile away from home, I did run that mile a little faster than I would have.  Yesterday was the hail/ice pellet storm.  I went for a run at the park, and planned on doing 5 miles.  It started off fairly nice.  It was cloudy but the sun started to peak out and I was able to take off my jacket, and was comfortable.  On the last lap it started to get a little colder, and then it started to rain/snow little ice pellets the size of bb's.  They hurt when they hit!  I was laughing though, and enjoying it :) But I just wanted to be done, get into the warm car, and get home to eat lunch.  I was able to push myself a little bit near the end, and finished the 5 miles in 1:01:24.  My fastest 5 mile run yet, and if not for the cramp I had for the last 2 laps, and the few mins of walking I had to do, I think I could have been under 1 hour.  But next time! 


But it was a great run.  Despite the weather.  It smelled like spring, the birds were out, the ducks were swimming, the geese were pissy :)

I've lost 90.2 lbs!

How crazy is that?  Its crazy that I let myself get to the point that losing that much weight was necesary, but when I was at my lowest point and my highest weight, I never thought I'd ever be this close to getting under 200 lbs, and almost 100 lbs lost.  I'm at 207.8 this morning.  Yay! :) And just think had I actually worked out this week, and not had 3 red days in a row, I'm sure I would have lost even more. 

But thats ok.  This past week was my last week to be lazy.  Technically I need to start training this coming week.  I need to get in at least 2 half hour runs, and then have my long runs on Saturdays.  At least the first long run is only 3 miles ;) I think I can handle that. 

I am also proud of myself that yesterday was a stressful sad day for me.  I had to rush my little Pixie to the vet, and found out she has back problems.  I was waiting all day for the vet to call me, and would have gone running, but was afraid I'd be a few miles from home when they called, and I would need to get there right away.  But you know - I didnt stress eat.  I didnt.  Often times I will, and I didnt yesterday.  I'm happy about that.  I stayed within my calories. 

I know there are times when I get frustrated with myself because I feel like I should be done already.  I should have lost more weight faster, and be at my goal weight/size by now.  I mean, I hit 298 at the end of 2006.  Its 2011.  But I'm keeping it off.  And I guess thats what really matters.  I have to remind myself its not a race or comeptition.  It doesnt matter how fast others lose weight.  This is working.  And I've learned so much about myself, and am learning how to work through my food struggles, and beat them.  I'm learning to seperate food and feelings.  I no longer call high calorie/junk food days "bad" days.  They're just "red" days.  I dont want to associate food with "bad" feelings, or feeling guilty anymore. 

Anyway, I'm feeling really good, and can now see the end in sight, and am only 8.8 lbs away from being under 200.  No longer is it 99 lbs away.  I now only have about 40 to 50 more lbs to lose, not over 130 lbs.  I've gone from a size 26 (but refused to buy ;)) to a size 16.  My goal is a size 10/12.  I'm almost there!

Just some thoughts...

So, I've been having a difficult week.  I had 3 red days in a row, and one of them was like SUPER red.  I've been really exhausted all week, and I'm not sure why.  It might be because I wasnt as active as I should have been.  I did run Wednesday after work, and it was a decent run.  I went to the park, and did 2.5 miles, and did it in 29:42 or something.  It was my fastest 2.5 miles.  I was wheezing though, it was hard to breathe.

I plan to run today, tomorrow and Sunday.  And maybe go for a bike ride. 

A recent comment at a message board I visit has just had me thinking.  I cant quote exactly, but basically this person said that being fat was a turn off for her, because it grosses her out to think about the sexual aspect.  I totally understand that not everyone is attracted to everyone.  But its amazing how people can still say things that ARE hurtful to so many about fat being gross and disgusting.  If you were to insert race into her comment, it wouldnt be accpetable to say.  But its still acceptable to belittle, bully and make fun of fat people.  I wonder when that will change.  If it WILL ever change. 

I'm still fat.  I'm just less fat than I was.  But because I'm fat, doesnt mean that I'm not a hot, sexy, beautiful woman.  I am.  Inside AND out.  I'm just sorry that comments like this hurt other people.  It doesnt hurt me really anymore because I dont see fat as being bad anymore.  It just is.  Some people are fat, some people are not.  It doesnt say anything about the character of the person.  Its just a word to describe how a person looks.