"Hahaha Give it up, runner!"

That is what someone yelled at me, this week while running.  It was after work and hot.  I was tired and really did NOT feel like doing anything, let alone go for a run.  But I pushed myself to go and already was not feeling it.  It was not a good run.
And then just barely into it, I heard that.  From an adult.  A young adult, but an adult.  Who says that to someone?  Someone who is out there doing something that many people are afraid to do? 


I yelled back a tiny lie that I'm kind of ashamed of, but I couldn't keep going and NOT say anything.  I yelled "I RUN MARATHONS!"  It's not quite true.  I've run and finished a half marathon, and ran in a marathon 2 years ago, and had to stop at mile 24.  So not technically true, but I was pissed.
When I ran by there on the way back, I'm pretty sure that dude was still there, but he didn't say anything or didn't see me. 


 It makes me wonder what kind of person he is. And why he would think that is an ok thing to yell to someone? It didn't bother me, and make me want to quit running, obviously. It would take a lot more than that!


 I love running and love how it makes me feel. It just sucks that someone tried to take that from me. And that is really what he was doing, even if he knew it or not. He was hoping to discourage me. He didn't.  Not even close. 


I've been disappointed in myself this year, which is why I have avoided writing here.  I haven't felt like writing about myself or running or even about the half marathon that I ran in May.  This year has been a really stressful year for me.  I had a job change at work that I absolutely hate and it's been really hard.  It's turned me into a person that I don't really like anymore.  I've been trying to change it, but it's hard.  I disliked my job immensely before this change, but now it's even more so.  I started school last fall, and that has added stress too. 


I ran a half marathon, but didnt even write about it!  I should have been yelling about it!  I finished, but was upset at myself for not doing as well as I would have liked.  I didn't feel good when I ran it.  But it is still something that is amazing! 


But back to this comment.  I think back to the person I was when I was a teen, and the person who allowed herself to get to nearly 300 pounds.  In the past, I would have let a comment like this get to me.  I would have cried and been upset.  I would have stopped running, and turned around and went home.  I probably wouldn't have been running in the first place, but even so, I used to let comments like that hurt me.  I no longer do.  Running has been a BIG reason why.  I don't know what it is about it that makes me love it, but I do.  I love that feeling of finishing a run, especially a GOOD run.  Knowing that I ran a mile, 2 miles or 5 or 10 or more makes me feel really amazing.  Even the bad runs.  I remember how much I used to hate it in gym in 10th grade, and to have become a person who loves to run, still amazes me. 


It pisses me off that someone would try to take that away from me or maybe has to someone else. 


I ended that run to one of my favorite running songs, and coincidently enough, today's run ended on the same song. 

I love Christina Aguilera's Fighter.  Its such an awesome song and has helped me get through so many runs.  I like a part near the end, with these lyrics:


How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretend not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
YOU-WON'T-STOP-ME


I am a fighter and I
I ain't gonna stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough


The part in bold really made me think today.  It reminded me that I can't go back.  I can not go back to that person I was.  That person who hated herself so much, and who ate herself to 298 pounds.  I just can't.  I have to keep this up.  I can't let stress and my job, other people and lastly, and most importantly, myself, take this away from me.  I need to remember that when I'm finding excuses to not run and to eat poorly.  I can't turn back and go back to that person.  I was miserable.  I don't want that for myself anymore.


I'm worth more than that.  And I need to remember that.