Just a short one!

So today is the day.  I am running in the Marine Corps Marathon (oh yeah, did I mention it'll be during a hurricane? :))

I couldn't sleep much last night, but I kept the lights off and stayed in bed, just resting.  I'm so nervous!  I know I can do this, but I'm still nervous.  This is going to be all over the place, so sorry!!

I have come a long way from where I was just six years ago.  I know I could have trained a little better, a little harder, I could have lost a little more weight, but even so.  I am not that same person I used to be.  That person who was hurting so very much inside who was just going through the motions of living.  I never thought I'd be me again after what I went through when I was 19.  I wanted to be that same person, before everything.  Before everything that caused me to gain so much weight and get up to 298.  I've now realized that I cant be that same person before but I can be a new me - a much better and happier me.  And that is what I have done.  My life isn't perfect and there are still things I am in the process of making better.  But I am happier.  I am a person who signed up for a MARATHON!  I know it's the 2nd one I've been in, but it'll be my first one I finish!  In all my life, this is not who I expected to be at 31.  I never thought I'd be an athlete.  I was the fat girl who HATED running, who hated gym class, who was always last.  Who would be the last one doing the running loop we had to do in 10th grade gym class - while EVERYONE was there waiting for me. 

I used to weigh 298 POUNDS.  TWO pounds from 300!  And now, I may not be at my goal weight, but today I'm going to accomplish a much bigger goal. 

Thank you all for the support!!  :) And thank you to my dear wonderful husband.  I wish you were here with me. 

A Week from Today

I will be in Washington DC and will be running in the Marine Corps Marathon. 

Wow. 

I know it's just 7 days away and that terrifies me!  I am so scared I wont finish and I'll feel like I did when I couldn't finish the Bayshore Marathon in 2010.  I alternate with being excited about it, to wanting to throw up and cry because I am afraid!

I did a 20 mile training run 2 weeks ago, and I meant to write about it.  It was hard.  I was cold and alone and was sore.  I kept going and had to walk a lot more than I wanted to, so it took me much longer than I had hoped.  But the thing is, I didn't quit.  I had opprotunity to - my husband was bringing me water and the car was right there and I could have easily thrown the towel in and let him give me a ride home.  But I did not.  I could not do that.  I had to keep going, even though it took me a half hour longer than what is allowed in the race.  I am so proud of myself that I kept going. 

I did my last longer training run today, and it was a beautiful, fall Michigan day.  It was sunny and crisp and the leaves were pretty.  I did 8.09 today, and it wasn't a bad run.  My pace was 13:41 and I felt ok.  I pay attention to every little pain I get and kind of freak out a bit. 

I can do this.  I have to keep telling myself that and not let the fear take over.  I can do this.  Right?  Please?