Why, exactly, did I stop doing this?

2011 was an odd year for me.  I made it down to 202 lbs, but couldn't get things on track to keep it going down.  I then let all kinds of outside stress get to me, and allowed myself to slide back into old, bad habits.  Bad habits of over eating, eating unhealthy foods, and being overall lazy.  The first part of 2011 was good, I was on track, training for the MCM, and losing weight.  But after I hurt myself, and then added in school and a job change at work, I stopped. 

I haven't run on a regular basis in months. I had plenty of excuses why - no time, tired, too busy with work and school and just life in general. It was easier to not find time to go running. So I just stopped. And I stopped watching what I was eating.

And I gained 30 lbs. 30 lbs. Its taken me years to reach 202 lbs, and lose over 90 lbs. And in 4 months I gained back 30 lbs. This is the first year since 2006 that I ended the year heavier than I started it. 
I've been miserable. My attitude shows it, as does my body and my skin. 

I went running yesterday, and ran 2.2 miles.  It was cold and gray and windy.  And it was a hard run.  I had to walk every couple of minutes, and was out of breath for most of it.  But I realized how much I missed it, and loved it.  I went again today, and did 2.5 miles.  It was better, because I was with someone else (my awesome friend E and her new dog Rona!), it pushed me to keep running, when had I been alone I would have walked.  My legs are so sore, and I haven't been sore after a short run like today in years. 

After only 2 days of what could be considered "bad" runs if I was looking only at time, and how hard it was for how short of distances they were, I feel better. I feel happier and just better.  Thats why I just love running - it instantly makes me feel better about myself, my life, and everything.  These two "bad" runs reminded me of what I lost when I stopped.  I love being out there, even on the cold and wet days. 

I have a few goals, fitness wise, for 2012.  First - I need to get back to running and working out on a regular basis.  I have to, because I have 2 big races already planned for the year.  I have the Toronto Half Marathon with my wonderful friend, K, and then the MCM with another wonderful friend, N and my Dad.  And 2nd, to get under 200 lbs.  I can do this, I was almost there about 6 months ago!  There is no reason I can not do that, and even get to my goal weight this year.  I know its going to be harder because of this added weight I gained back.  But I can do this.  

And last, I want to beat my miles run in 2011.  I ran 363.274 miles in 2011, and I want to run 500 in 2012.  At least. 

Anyway, I ended 2011 with a run, and started 2012 with a run.  I hope that I'm able to focus on myself, and keep these promises and goals I've made and hope to make 2012 a great year for myself.

I've been away for awhile

I've just been busy, and also, not eating right or running on a regular basis.  I need to get back to writing here, because it helps me so much to reflect on where I've been, and where I'm going. 

I've gained about 10 lbs in the past couple of months.  I don't remember if I posted about that at all.  I'm not happy about it, and it was actually 15 lbs, I've been able to lose 5 so far.  I just have so many excuses, and sometimes its just so much easier to fall back on those excuses and not do what I know I need to.
I have this week off of work, and will hopefully use it to get back on track, and back to running.  I'm planning to get on the treadmill in a little while, since its cold and raining outside.  I'm not that hardcore! 

Anyway, I hope to start writing here more again, because it will probably mean that I'm running more!

Another good run!

I went out for a short, 2.2 mile run this afternoon.  It was good!  I beat my time from the other day, and did it in 26:01.  I was hoping for under 26, but I was happy with that.  I didn't have any knee pain, which is awesome.  I think the rest, even though it sucked big time, helped a lot.  I also have started stretching after my runs - not as much or as thorough as I should, but at least I'm doing it now.  I also did the one work out DVD the other day, and plan to do it again soon.  I hope to get up to doing that 3x a week. 

So yeah, I'm getting out of the funk/bad mood/depressive state I was in.  I'm eating better - still not logging my food, but at least eating a little better.  Our food scale's batteries died, so it makes it hard to measure stuff out.  I really like the scale so much better than counting out pieces or using measuring cups.  Hopefully I'll be able to lose the 4 or so lbs I gained back, and start losing new weight again. 

I'm doing better.  I'm glad to be back to running, and glad to not have the knee pain anymore.  I cant wait for April - thats when I get to officially start training for MCM '12.  Its only 6 months away :)  I also want to try to get in a half marathon before that too, but it'll be winter, and I'm not sure how many I can find in Michigan! :)

I went running!

I had to.  I was starting to feel very crazy, and just needed to go.  I feel so so much better after going, its amazing.  I did not have any knee pain, but to be honest, did feel some tightness in my ankle area.  But no knee pain!!  I can deal with the ankle.

It was beautiful out.  It was mid 60's, sunny with Autumn like clouds, and the trees have started to change color.  Just perfect.  I didn't think about ANYthing, while running.  I just enjoyed seeing the trees, the sun, the bunny, and listened to my music. 

I feel so good, so much better, at peace, and not so grouchy.  I guess thats a good thing right?  I was tempted to do my 4.5 mile route, but stopped at 2.2 miles, because I didn't want to over do it.  I'll try to run later this week again, but also plan to do a work out DVD again.  I did one on Saturday, and I'm STILL sore from it.  I guess thats a big sign that I haven't been working out my body like I should be. 
Tomorrow starts a new chapter in my life.  And my husbands life too.  We start school tomorrow evening!  I'm excited about it.  I quit school years ago, and am so excited to be going back.  The last time I was in college, I was dealing with a loss, and depression.  So it will be fun to go back, and not have that going on.  I feel good about my life and myself, and school.  Its still scary, but I'm excited.  I feel like I'm back, me, the me I lost during those tough years of my early to mid 20's.  But a new and better me too.
I'm feeling better.  I'm so glad I was able to go running tonight.  I'm so happy I discovered running almost 2.5 years ago.  Its amazing how much it has changed me and my life. 

Stupid Knee, and Stupid life.....

So, I'm out.  I'm not running in the Marine Corps Marathon.  And it just totally sucks.  I hate this stupid knee, and my big ass ;) There are also life issues getting in the way of my making it to the MCM.  School and $$.  But mostly its my knee.  I'm still going to keep running, and will try to find a few half marathons to do in the next 6 months or so.  Or whenever I can get my butt in gear, and start working on strengthening my hips, which will help my knee. 

I plan to defer my entry to next year, and plan to run in the MCM next year. 
April is only a little over 6 months away, and thats when I start officially training again for MCM 2012. 

Update....

I went to the Dr last Tuesday.  He felt it was an overuse issue, and that if it didn't get worse, and I went to PT, I can still run the race.  I also had xrays taken of my knee and ankle, and those came back clear, which is good.

I had my first PT session last night, and what it comes down to is this:

I have a big ass.  And the slight knock knees and pigeon toes (toed? I don't know) don't help.  I have weak hip muscles and my right leg, is weaker than my left.  Which is odd since I am right handed. 
Nintin (my physical therapist) who was this cute little Indian guy, was trying to say in a nice way that because I was heavier in the past, and that my hips are still heavy (I was starting to laugh as he said that, because I just really wanted to say - so its because I have a big ass, right??) and my hips are weak, its causing my knee cap to track. 

I can run.  But I cant just go out and do my regular routine.  I have to first warm up on the bike.  And then do the stretches and strengthening exercises.  Then I can walk, and do a slow jog/run.  As I told him thats what I do anyway, because I'm really slow.  And then after that I have to do the stretches and exercises again.  At least I was given the ok to run, right?  I'm supposed to do the stretches and exercises at least every other day, but work up to every day and twice a day.  I think I'm also going to try to force myself to get back to the exercise DVDs.  I really shouldn't have stooped them when I started running.  But it was nice to have something I enjoyed doing, rather than forcing myself to work out. 

So.  Good news.  I just hope that I can still run this marathon. 

Being hurt just plain sucks

Thats really all.  My knee and ankle are feeling better today, but its still not quite right.  I think I may have figured out something that is contributing to my leg pain, but not sure if changing it will help.  I realized that I sleep in an odd position with my right leg.  I sleep on my left side, but then tuck and twist my right leg under my left.  Its so hard to explain, but as I was laying in bed the other night, I realized it puts a lot of strain and stress on my knee and ankle. 

Last night, I made sure to NOT sleep like that, and it is hard to change sleeping positions!  I never realized how comfortable I feel laying like that, and I was so uncomfortable in any other position. 
I do have a Dr appointment on Tuesday, so we'll see what he says.  I'm worried he's going to tell me that I'm out for this race.  I really hope not.  I don't want to defer and I don't want to sell my spot.  I really want to do this. 

I'm feeling really good about everything.  My life, and me are pretty awesome.  I'm so glad I see that now.  Its so nice to feel happy.  Really happy about everything.  Well not EVERYthing, if you know where I work ;) but I have a feeling that is going to work its self out soon ;) 

Anyway, I haven't run since Wednesday.  I tried a short treadmill run, and it did not go well.  My ankle was sore, and my knee too.  Which is what prompted me to call my Dr that day, and get an appointment. 
I'll update Tuesday afternoon!