Why, exactly, did I stop doing this?

2011 was an odd year for me.  I made it down to 202 lbs, but couldn't get things on track to keep it going down.  I then let all kinds of outside stress get to me, and allowed myself to slide back into old, bad habits.  Bad habits of over eating, eating unhealthy foods, and being overall lazy.  The first part of 2011 was good, I was on track, training for the MCM, and losing weight.  But after I hurt myself, and then added in school and a job change at work, I stopped. 

I haven't run on a regular basis in months. I had plenty of excuses why - no time, tired, too busy with work and school and just life in general. It was easier to not find time to go running. So I just stopped. And I stopped watching what I was eating.

And I gained 30 lbs. 30 lbs. Its taken me years to reach 202 lbs, and lose over 90 lbs. And in 4 months I gained back 30 lbs. This is the first year since 2006 that I ended the year heavier than I started it. 
I've been miserable. My attitude shows it, as does my body and my skin. 

I went running yesterday, and ran 2.2 miles.  It was cold and gray and windy.  And it was a hard run.  I had to walk every couple of minutes, and was out of breath for most of it.  But I realized how much I missed it, and loved it.  I went again today, and did 2.5 miles.  It was better, because I was with someone else (my awesome friend E and her new dog Rona!), it pushed me to keep running, when had I been alone I would have walked.  My legs are so sore, and I haven't been sore after a short run like today in years. 

After only 2 days of what could be considered "bad" runs if I was looking only at time, and how hard it was for how short of distances they were, I feel better. I feel happier and just better.  Thats why I just love running - it instantly makes me feel better about myself, my life, and everything.  These two "bad" runs reminded me of what I lost when I stopped.  I love being out there, even on the cold and wet days. 

I have a few goals, fitness wise, for 2012.  First - I need to get back to running and working out on a regular basis.  I have to, because I have 2 big races already planned for the year.  I have the Toronto Half Marathon with my wonderful friend, K, and then the MCM with another wonderful friend, N and my Dad.  And 2nd, to get under 200 lbs.  I can do this, I was almost there about 6 months ago!  There is no reason I can not do that, and even get to my goal weight this year.  I know its going to be harder because of this added weight I gained back.  But I can do this.  

And last, I want to beat my miles run in 2011.  I ran 363.274 miles in 2011, and I want to run 500 in 2012.  At least. 

Anyway, I ended 2011 with a run, and started 2012 with a run.  I hope that I'm able to focus on myself, and keep these promises and goals I've made and hope to make 2012 a great year for myself.