Dusting off the blog

It's been awhile since I've posted anything here.  I don't know why - because I have been running fairly regularly late and enjoying it too! 

Last weekend I finally broke through my mental block of going further than 3 miles.  I did 5 miles last Friday and then another 6 on Sunday.  And it felt good.  Really good.  The best thing about both of those runs was my pace.  My pace for the 5 miles was just under 12 min miles and the pace for the 6 miles was around 12:30 min miles.  I also have never run 6 miles without having to stop and walk.  So I was really excited about that! 

I'm still struggling with my eating.  I've noticed that I tend to eat the same amount as my husband when we have dinner.  It's sometimes just easier to make the same amount of servings and just split it evenly.  But I don't always exercise as much as him and I certainly don't need to eat as much as him either.  So I've been trying to cut back on my servings at dinner.  Last night I did really well.  I made 4 servings of our meal (lol it was not a healthy meal at all - but that's ok!) and I portioned out my 2 servings but then put one of them in the fridge for my lunch today.  And that one serving was enough.  I was full.  I was satisfied.  I also did this the other day with pasta.  I made myself a little less and it wasn't that hard to figure out how to portion it out right.  And didn't take much time.  So I can't really use that excuse anymore. 

It's also that time of the month - which lol, I know TMI.  But it's something that I have always struggled with because I'm in pain, hungry and just don't want to move (and sometimes CAN'T move because of the pain).  But overall, I did ok this week.  I had one day that I consider "bad" because I gave in and binged.  But I did gain control and that was it.  And the worst pain day - I actually walked 5 miles with my friend after work.  Which was a huge thing for me because I usually don't do anything on the worst day.  I haven't had to deal with this much recently because I was able to skip it for months at a time but since I've decided to take a break from that - I'll now be dealing with it once a month, again.  It sucks having endo.  It really does. 

I can't seem to break out of the 220s.  It's been so annoying and frustrating because I know what to do and I can't seem to do it!  I'm down to 220.6 or something and I keep getting to 220.something and then go on a binge and go back up.  Hopefully this weekend with my plan of cardio and drinking a shit ton of water I'll be able to do it. 

So yeah, this entry is kind of all over the place but it's good to be back and writing here.  It's a good way for me to get my feelings out and figure things out.  Hopefully I'll be able to write on a regular basis again! :)

Long Run Sundays are back (and thank you RFRC!!)

And I am so glad that they are.  Yesterday just really reminded me why I love running so much and how much it has changed me.

Yesterday had the possiblity for being a tough day for me.  In the past it usually is.  I know I'm being vague but it's not something I'm ready to share publicly.  Maybe one day.  As it plays a lot into why I gained so much weight and hated myself so much. 

Anyway, so often I deal with my sad/bad/mad feelings by eating.  I still do it but have gotten better.  When I realized what yesterday was (because I had forgotten... crazy to think that could happen) I thought, well, I could use it as an excuse to not do anything, like the 8 mile run I had planned and maybe get something to snack on.  Because you know, it had the potential to upset me. 

I needed to do 8 miles yesterday because I have not been training well for this half marathon so I really NEEDED to get that run in.  didn't didnt want to do it.  It was not nice out, the wind was blowing, it was cold, it was cloudy, I was tired.  But I did not want to do it on the treadmill - because really, who wants to run 2 hours on the treadmill??  I sure don't!! 

Well, I complained on FB and thankfully my friends from RFRC gave me a virtual kick in the ass and I gave in and went out running. 

Yes it was cold, cloudy and windy.  But it was also so NICE out.  It was quiet and peaceful.  I felt great once I started.  I kept up with my intervals run/walk 3:00/1:30.  I also ended up running the last mile and made sure that it was my fastest mile!  I'm still extremely slow and I hate it.  But I enjoyed myself so much that I did not really care!  I kept a steady pace and felt so amazing when I finished.  As I almost always do after a long run.  I am amazed that I can do this.  That I run and I LIKE it.  That I can move myself for 2 hours voluntarily.  That my legs can just keep moving and don't get tired on me.  I feel so lucky that I discovered running almost 4 years ago.  I still do not know why I even thought I should try running that Memorial Day weekend up north, but I did it and fell instantly in love. 

I'm still feeling good today even though I did not sleep much last night. caffeine the caffine I took for my run kept me up.  But I love how much running can lift my mood and make me feel so good. 

And I love that I went running for 8 miles yesterday; on March 24th.  I did not feel sad and I felt I was dedicating my miles to what that day is to me.  I felt peaceful and happy.  And loved and that I love my life and I do not regret anything that has happened.  It has made me into the person I am today. 

And I kind of like that person :)

You know you're doing good....

When the loose skin starts to appear again ;)  You would think I'd be upset over the loose skin on my stomach but I am actually GLAD to see it.  It means I've lost weight.  I have too!  I weighed in today at 229.8!! :) And I lost an inch around my hips (50 in from 51 in.... yeah I have a big ass!) and a half inch around my waist (35 from 35.5), the inches I've lost since Feb 17th.

But as a recap:

Jan 1st: 241 lbs (I was really bloated)
Waist: 37 inches
Hips - 52 inches

Today, March 17th: 229.8 lbs
Waist: 35
Hips: 50

So yay!  I've lost 11.2 lbs since Jan 1st, 2 inches off my waist and 2 inches off my hips.  I'm happy to see that.  Really happy.  I'm also happy because my final grade in my anatomy and physiology class was an A!! :) I'm feeling good about things!  I'm starting to feel more like me again.  I feel like I lost "me" over the past year and a half and I'm feeling like maybe I can see myself again.  Slowly. 

Anyway, yesterday I worked out!  I did 2.5 slow miles on the treadmill and then did a 40 min work out DVD.  It's a dance workout DVD and I totally suck at any sort of dancing but it burns calories and is kind of fun.  I ended up at just over 1900 calories for the day and even had almost 300 calories I could have ate, but did not.  With my workouts, I was allowed 2200.

My plans for today are:  to get outside and run/walk 6 miles.  I have a new watch that the watch fairy sent me and I get to test it out!  I also need to finish up some homework.  But the sun is out so it can't be a bad day!

Me again!

I'm back! :) So I ended up yesterday at 1850 calories for the day.  I had some issues with my dessert I had.  I kept adding things to it because it was not turning out like I wanted it too.  So the frozen peaches went into the Magic Bullet (totally awesome - you need one if you don't have one) and because I don't keep juice or anything in the house, it was impossible to blend just the frozen peaches.  I then added a pear.  That didn't help.  It blended the pear but that was it.  I then added in some yogurt.  That worked.  It turned it into a super delicious pear peach vanilla smoothie/soft ice cream.  Tonight, I'll just have the peaches and yogurt instead of adding in the pear.  They aren't quite as ripe as I like them anyway.

I am at just over 1600 calories for the day today.  I'll probably have peaches and yogurt later though.  I'm not all "green" for everything else though - my sodium has been high and other nutrients have been low. I keep forgetting to take my vitamin!  I log my food on www.nutrimirror.com, if you in the "green" it means that you're doing well, when it's red, things are either over or under. It's a good site!

I have had two decent days eating wise - I just need to work on exercising.  Weekends are easier for me because I can sleep in and work out whenever I want.  And that is the plan for tomorrow and Sunday. 

I'm super stressed about work - of course.  Things are just not going well there.  I hate my job and am just so unhappy.  It spills into other areas of my life and I just the hate and dislike take me over.  I hate that and I need to change it.  It's hard though when you HAVE to go there because there are just no other options right now.  I am hoping things work out for me elsewhere.  I really need it to. 

Oh AND!  I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up with an A- in anatomy and physiology.  Seriously awesome.  :) :) :)

I am still alive!

I've been busy the past few months.  Busy with school and work.  And busy avoiding eating well and exercising on a regular basis, consistently. 

Same old story.  I have let stress and work get to me.  Again.  I have been gaining and losing the same 5 to 10 lbs over the past what... year?  Year and a half?  It's been a long time.

But I'm back.  I'm on spring break (well I still have 2 weeks left of my online class) and I am going to try to get back on track.  For real.  I did really well in January when I was doing a no junk food challenge.  I was exercising and counting calories.  I was doing well. Then my period.  Of course.  That bitch.  She's always causing issues!  And I caved and ate junk food and could not get back on track.

I've been going back and forth lately with doing ok and then eating 4 packzis in one night (that was last night.  Not too sure WHY Mestills stil had them....). 

I can't keep doing this.  I'm tired of the fact that nothing fits.  That I'm in the 230s again.  That I can barely run.  I have a half marathon in April.  And I can barely run 4.5 miles.  I have a month to get in shape for it.  I need to - I want a PR! 

I started counting calories again today.  I'm toying around with the idea of making a FB weight loss page or something, but I want to try to keep this blog up to date first.  Anyway, I'm doing well calorie wise - 1550 for the day and I plan on having a snack later - frozen peaches. 

I want to get up tomorrow and run in the morning.  Thankfully I am dead tired and will probably pass out soon, so I should be able to run tomorrow morning.  I have to take the Cokes to the vet after work, so it will work better to run before work. 

Just a short one!

So today is the day.  I am running in the Marine Corps Marathon (oh yeah, did I mention it'll be during a hurricane? :))

I couldn't sleep much last night, but I kept the lights off and stayed in bed, just resting.  I'm so nervous!  I know I can do this, but I'm still nervous.  This is going to be all over the place, so sorry!!

I have come a long way from where I was just six years ago.  I know I could have trained a little better, a little harder, I could have lost a little more weight, but even so.  I am not that same person I used to be.  That person who was hurting so very much inside who was just going through the motions of living.  I never thought I'd be me again after what I went through when I was 19.  I wanted to be that same person, before everything.  Before everything that caused me to gain so much weight and get up to 298.  I've now realized that I cant be that same person before but I can be a new me - a much better and happier me.  And that is what I have done.  My life isn't perfect and there are still things I am in the process of making better.  But I am happier.  I am a person who signed up for a MARATHON!  I know it's the 2nd one I've been in, but it'll be my first one I finish!  In all my life, this is not who I expected to be at 31.  I never thought I'd be an athlete.  I was the fat girl who HATED running, who hated gym class, who was always last.  Who would be the last one doing the running loop we had to do in 10th grade gym class - while EVERYONE was there waiting for me. 

I used to weigh 298 POUNDS.  TWO pounds from 300!  And now, I may not be at my goal weight, but today I'm going to accomplish a much bigger goal. 

Thank you all for the support!!  :) And thank you to my dear wonderful husband.  I wish you were here with me. 

A Week from Today

I will be in Washington DC and will be running in the Marine Corps Marathon. 

Wow. 

I know it's just 7 days away and that terrifies me!  I am so scared I wont finish and I'll feel like I did when I couldn't finish the Bayshore Marathon in 2010.  I alternate with being excited about it, to wanting to throw up and cry because I am afraid!

I did a 20 mile training run 2 weeks ago, and I meant to write about it.  It was hard.  I was cold and alone and was sore.  I kept going and had to walk a lot more than I wanted to, so it took me much longer than I had hoped.  But the thing is, I didn't quit.  I had opprotunity to - my husband was bringing me water and the car was right there and I could have easily thrown the towel in and let him give me a ride home.  But I did not.  I could not do that.  I had to keep going, even though it took me a half hour longer than what is allowed in the race.  I am so proud of myself that I kept going. 

I did my last longer training run today, and it was a beautiful, fall Michigan day.  It was sunny and crisp and the leaves were pretty.  I did 8.09 today, and it wasn't a bad run.  My pace was 13:41 and I felt ok.  I pay attention to every little pain I get and kind of freak out a bit. 

I can do this.  I have to keep telling myself that and not let the fear take over.  I can do this.  Right?  Please?