Is done. Today was the start of my 30 week journey to Bayshore 2015. I messed up my training schedule a bit and put next weeks Sunday walk on the schedule for today but that's ok.
I did 37 minutes of walking. It's been awhile since I've just walked, and tried not to stress about pace and how slow I am. I only had to do 30 mins but I figured I'd walk a little further.
It was nice. I'm out of shape but that's ok. It'll come back. I'm like strangely excited about getting into longer runs again. I miss long runs! I miss going out for hours on the weekend, just running. I am going to try to follow the training guide as closely as I can. Doing more when I can, like I did today.
37:03 - 2.17 miles - DONE! I can't wait to cross that off my calendar at work tomorrow!! :)
Sunday, October 26, 2014
273
I don't know how to even start this blog. Or where to start. Or even what to title it.
But. I have gained back a lot of weight. Almost all of it that I lost.
Yup. <sigh>
I used to weigh 298 lbs. In 2006. And then things changed. I changed. In 2009 I started running. I was down to 202 in 2011. Then things started to go back up from there. Oh I would have times where I'd get back on track and lose some and do ok and then go back to not eating right and not exercising and go back up.
Then I changed jobs this year, which is such a good and great thing for me. But it's also a completely sit at your desk job. And so on came more weight. And more. I had to get out the fat clothes again. Clothes I had packed away and had intention of donating but never got around to it.
And we get to today. I haven't wanted to post my weight or pictures of me because of how much weight I gained back. For a few reasons. Because I don't want pity, or to know that there are probably some people who would be secretly happy at my failure, or others to try to take advantage of me and sell me their miracle product or others to try to help and tell me to "just do x and x and you'll lose weight" and because I was just embarrassed and ashamed.
I weighed in today at 273 lbs. And it sucks. And I hate the way I feel and the way I look and how inactive I have become. There are so many reasons why I gained it back - and the main one is I stopped taking care of myself and became lazy again. It's hard, because I am, to the core, lazy. I always have been. Sure, I like to go out and do things and eat well, but I also like to lay around and do nothing and eat. And it's easier to do the latter. And so that part of me won. Again.
So here I am. Again. I have a race in 30 weeks. I will not be able to finish or even start for that matter, if I don't do something. I have been attempting to be active over the past couple of weeks and I have done ok. But the problem is, I spend so much of my day just sitting when in the past that wasn't the case. Because of that, I have to do that much more to actually make a difference. I can't get away with the things I used to, because I just am not active at work anymore and I work so many more hours too.
The past few months, I'd start setting unrealistic goals for myself - that I had to lose so much weight by a particular date because I'd be seeing certain people and I didn't want to still be so fat. And that doesn't work. At least for me. I some how started caring what people thought of me again. I don't know how or why that happened but it did. When I stopped caring about what others thought of me and started only caring how I thought of me, is how I lost weight the first time. When I started really loving myself and treating myself better, it was easier to lose weight. I need to get that back.
I also need to forgive myself and move on. I can keep being mad at myself and keep eating and keep not doing anything about it. And then I'll really be back where I started, weight wise, but be worse off then I was before.
This week I will be able to do a few things to help me get back on track - but I have to wait to get paid ;) lol. I am going to go grocery shopping and stock my house with good, healthy foods. I am not going to buy things that I know will trigger binge eating. I am buying new running shoes and signing up for kick boxing lessons. In a couple more weeks I will be able to pay off a large portion of my credit card debt and will be able to use that extra money to join the wellness center/gym that is offered by my employer.
This week also starts the starting of my marathon training for Bayshore 2015. I did my first training walk today. In 30 weeks, I will be at the starting line for a marathon. I can't do it at 270 lbs, that is for sure.
I hope this is it, this time. I keep feeling like ok this is it, this is where I gain back control of myself and my life. And then it's not. But this has to be it. I can't go through another race and not finish. I can't do that. And the only way that won't happen is if I get back control and move forward. I need to stop worrying about the past and how much weight I gained back and how I used to be able to run faster. It's keeping me in the past and not letting me move forward.
So I had to put my weight out there. 273. When I was finally honest and came out with my weight in the past it helped. It helped to see that number out there and not keep it a secret.
I will beat this again and win.
But. I have gained back a lot of weight. Almost all of it that I lost.
Yup. <sigh>
I used to weigh 298 lbs. In 2006. And then things changed. I changed. In 2009 I started running. I was down to 202 in 2011. Then things started to go back up from there. Oh I would have times where I'd get back on track and lose some and do ok and then go back to not eating right and not exercising and go back up.
Then I changed jobs this year, which is such a good and great thing for me. But it's also a completely sit at your desk job. And so on came more weight. And more. I had to get out the fat clothes again. Clothes I had packed away and had intention of donating but never got around to it.
And we get to today. I haven't wanted to post my weight or pictures of me because of how much weight I gained back. For a few reasons. Because I don't want pity, or to know that there are probably some people who would be secretly happy at my failure, or others to try to take advantage of me and sell me their miracle product or others to try to help and tell me to "just do x and x and you'll lose weight" and because I was just embarrassed and ashamed.
I weighed in today at 273 lbs. And it sucks. And I hate the way I feel and the way I look and how inactive I have become. There are so many reasons why I gained it back - and the main one is I stopped taking care of myself and became lazy again. It's hard, because I am, to the core, lazy. I always have been. Sure, I like to go out and do things and eat well, but I also like to lay around and do nothing and eat. And it's easier to do the latter. And so that part of me won. Again.
So here I am. Again. I have a race in 30 weeks. I will not be able to finish or even start for that matter, if I don't do something. I have been attempting to be active over the past couple of weeks and I have done ok. But the problem is, I spend so much of my day just sitting when in the past that wasn't the case. Because of that, I have to do that much more to actually make a difference. I can't get away with the things I used to, because I just am not active at work anymore and I work so many more hours too.
The past few months, I'd start setting unrealistic goals for myself - that I had to lose so much weight by a particular date because I'd be seeing certain people and I didn't want to still be so fat. And that doesn't work. At least for me. I some how started caring what people thought of me again. I don't know how or why that happened but it did. When I stopped caring about what others thought of me and started only caring how I thought of me, is how I lost weight the first time. When I started really loving myself and treating myself better, it was easier to lose weight. I need to get that back.
I also need to forgive myself and move on. I can keep being mad at myself and keep eating and keep not doing anything about it. And then I'll really be back where I started, weight wise, but be worse off then I was before.
This week I will be able to do a few things to help me get back on track - but I have to wait to get paid ;) lol. I am going to go grocery shopping and stock my house with good, healthy foods. I am not going to buy things that I know will trigger binge eating. I am buying new running shoes and signing up for kick boxing lessons. In a couple more weeks I will be able to pay off a large portion of my credit card debt and will be able to use that extra money to join the wellness center/gym that is offered by my employer.
This week also starts the starting of my marathon training for Bayshore 2015. I did my first training walk today. In 30 weeks, I will be at the starting line for a marathon. I can't do it at 270 lbs, that is for sure.
I hope this is it, this time. I keep feeling like ok this is it, this is where I gain back control of myself and my life. And then it's not. But this has to be it. I can't go through another race and not finish. I can't do that. And the only way that won't happen is if I get back control and move forward. I need to stop worrying about the past and how much weight I gained back and how I used to be able to run faster. It's keeping me in the past and not letting me move forward.
So I had to put my weight out there. 273. When I was finally honest and came out with my weight in the past it helped. It helped to see that number out there and not keep it a secret.
I will beat this again and win.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
A letter
Dear Jackson,
Let me introduce myself. My name is Liz. And I'm a runner. I love running outside and have been running since 2009. And I'm fat.
Apparently those 4 things (a fat female runner who runs outside) make me a target for (mostly young guys) to yell things at me while I run. They have yelled things that are *supposed* to be mean. I’ve been laughed at and honked at.
I feel sorry for you. Sorry that you think it's acceptable to be mean to someone and someone you don't even know. Someone who is doing something maybe you're afraid of doing. You seem to think that a person's worth is tied to their weight. I'm glad that I live my life differently. My self-worth is not based on the numbers on the scale. I am a happy, kind, loving, beautiful awesome person who is a wife, mother to two dogs, super awesome aunt to 5 wonderful kids, a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, granddaughter and friend. I am a person who gets told almost daily by people that I inspire them, that they are proud of me. Can the people in your life say the same? Would they say the same if they knew you were yelling nasty things to and laughing at a complete stranger? Would you say that to your daughter, mother, sister or loved one? Would you want someone doing that to you or your family member?
I'm not exactly sure what your goal is by yelling or laughing at me. But let me tell you a few things about myself. I have run in 2 marathons, finished the Marine Corps Marathon with my Dad and have run 2 half marathons. I have run with an injured knee, calf pain, hamstring pain, horrible endometriosis cramps, diarrhea and bleeding toes (did that today...). I've lost toenails, have been sunburned, wind burned and have had frostbite. I've run in the cold, in the heat, the rain and the snow. Remember some of those snow storms this past winter? I went running in that. Remember those really hot summer days we've had? I was out there running. I've run while happy. I've gone running while anxious and worried and have run through grief. I run for a little boy who has chILD who can't run. I go running even when I don't want to sometimes. I've run with only a few hours of sleep. I've cried while running. I’ve cried because I was so happy and proud of myself. Cried because I was out there running for those have been lost.
And through all of that, I've had to deal with people trying to take that away from me. Even if all of my accomplishments with running hadn't happened and it was my first day running, I don't deserve your nastiness in my life. Or even if I was just out there, living my life. NO ONE DOES!!
I went through many many years of horrible depression. I survived it. I came out of it and started running. Running gave me my life back. I became a better, happier, healthier and more awesome person.
If your goal is to get me to stop running well... let me tell you this right now. Your stupid comments, your laughter, your honking, and whatever else you throw at me isn't going to do that. Because, well, I'm a runner and I'm made of something much much stronger than your stupid little comments.
~Liz
Sunday, April 6, 2014
11 miles!!
Ok, 11.09 to be exact. I really should have done 13 but I did 11.
Oh and yeah, I'm sorry I haven't been writing anything. I did 7 last weekend and did 4 last Wednesday. I have been slacking in my running AND my blogging.
It was 50 and sunny today so I HAD to get out there for a long run. I am so afraid I'm not going to be ready for Bayshore but I'm going to keep training and doing what I can. And I know I can do better.
I am doing good at keeping my pace where I need to be for the race. So I feel good about that. I just need to increase my milage. I have 2 months to get ready for this race. I think I might need new shoes and/or lose about 30 lbs. My ankles have been getting sore on my long runs.
I can do it, right?
Oh and yeah, I'm sorry I haven't been writing anything. I did 7 last weekend and did 4 last Wednesday. I have been slacking in my running AND my blogging.
It was 50 and sunny today so I HAD to get out there for a long run. I am so afraid I'm not going to be ready for Bayshore but I'm going to keep training and doing what I can. And I know I can do better.
I am doing good at keeping my pace where I need to be for the race. So I feel good about that. I just need to increase my milage. I have 2 months to get ready for this race. I think I might need new shoes and/or lose about 30 lbs. My ankles have been getting sore on my long runs.
I can do it, right?
Thursday, March 20, 2014
I have been too hard on myself so I bought a bikini
My Aunt Irene and my friend Marie pointed out to me on FB today that I'm being to hard on myself with my weight and all of that.
I started to think about it and I am being too hard on myself. I am mad and upset with myself for gaining so much weight over the past few months that I think it is hindering my weight loss efforts. I need to get back to this person, from 2011
I wasn't hard on myself back then and did practice positive self talk. It's one of the things that really helped me lose weight. I need to get back to that.
So in an effort to do that and get back to loving me and my body as it is, I bought a bikini :)
I have been eyeing this type of bathing suit for a couple of years now but have not been brave enough to even buy it. But something always held be back. Part of it was back in 8th grade I bought this super cute bikini. It was tan and blue striped with this lacing part in the front on the top part. I loved that and looking back I have no idea why I bought it. I think because I was with my sisters and my friend and that's what they were buying and I didn't want to feel left out. I wore it once. Because the one time I wore it my Mom told me that I shouldn't wear a bikini since I was "full figured". Ok, I was like a size 13ish when I bought it. And her saying that, which I know, I know she didn't mean anything bad by it, it's just how many people think. It's been taught that if you are over a particular size there are certain things you "just shouldn't wear" and a bikini and spandex are two of those things. I got over the spandex thing (how many times have I read you have to earn the right to wear spandex?) as I wear that when I run. All the time.
It's time I got over the bikini thing. So I bought this:
Ok, so I did buy it in a smaller size than I am now. But I bought it. And I will wear it. Because there is no reason why I shouldnt or can't.
I started to think about it and I am being too hard on myself. I am mad and upset with myself for gaining so much weight over the past few months that I think it is hindering my weight loss efforts. I need to get back to this person, from 2011
I wasn't hard on myself back then and did practice positive self talk. It's one of the things that really helped me lose weight. I need to get back to that.
So in an effort to do that and get back to loving me and my body as it is, I bought a bikini :)
I have been eyeing this type of bathing suit for a couple of years now but have not been brave enough to even buy it. But something always held be back. Part of it was back in 8th grade I bought this super cute bikini. It was tan and blue striped with this lacing part in the front on the top part. I loved that and looking back I have no idea why I bought it. I think because I was with my sisters and my friend and that's what they were buying and I didn't want to feel left out. I wore it once. Because the one time I wore it my Mom told me that I shouldn't wear a bikini since I was "full figured". Ok, I was like a size 13ish when I bought it. And her saying that, which I know, I know she didn't mean anything bad by it, it's just how many people think. It's been taught that if you are over a particular size there are certain things you "just shouldn't wear" and a bikini and spandex are two of those things. I got over the spandex thing (how many times have I read you have to earn the right to wear spandex?) as I wear that when I run. All the time.
It's time I got over the bikini thing. So I bought this:
Sunday, March 16, 2014
It's time to get real.
Like super real.
I gained a lot of weight over the last part of last year. I weighed in, in early January and was 241 lbs. Again. Which means that I gained like 20+ lbs. You would think that seeing that number again would have motivated me a lot and I'd have those 20 lbs gone by now.
You'd be wrong. I mean, I tried. Kind of. But just kept buying more junk food and eating too much and not exercising enough. And I kept saying, well, when I start my new job, things will be easier and better and I'll get back on track for good. I mean, I have a marathon in May and I'm going to Vegas in April. I need to be exercising and eating well and running a lot. It didn't quite happen. I mean, I eat well for breakfast and lunch and then mess up for dinner and everything else when I'm not at work. It's so easy to fall back into bad habits. So.F-ing.Easy.
I hate that this is so hard for me and that I make it harder on myself than it needs to be. It's easy - eat less, move more. But it's not that easy, I guess. Anyway, I've been gaining and losing the same 9 lbs since then. Because yes, I did see 250 again on the scale. I have not seen that number since 2008? It's been awhile. None of my clothes fit and I'm miserable.
I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. You think by now, I would have learned better. I haven't. Maybe one day I will! :)
Anyway, I have set a super unreasonable goal for myself. Probably not the best idea but I need to get on track and have something to wear to Vegas. Even if I don't meet it, I will at least, I hope anyway, have worked exercise back in on a regular basis. One thing I plan to start doing is walking the stairs at work on my 2 15 minute breaks. I sit all day now and at least this will get me moving more during the day!! :)
Now on to happier things...
I was matched with my running buddy today!! I learned about this great group from my friends from my running group on FB. http://www.whoirun4.com/about-ir4/. I can't wait to learn more about my buddy and his family! :) I ran my first miles for him today - I did 8 miles on the treadmill!!
I gained a lot of weight over the last part of last year. I weighed in, in early January and was 241 lbs. Again. Which means that I gained like 20+ lbs. You would think that seeing that number again would have motivated me a lot and I'd have those 20 lbs gone by now.
You'd be wrong. I mean, I tried. Kind of. But just kept buying more junk food and eating too much and not exercising enough. And I kept saying, well, when I start my new job, things will be easier and better and I'll get back on track for good. I mean, I have a marathon in May and I'm going to Vegas in April. I need to be exercising and eating well and running a lot. It didn't quite happen. I mean, I eat well for breakfast and lunch and then mess up for dinner and everything else when I'm not at work. It's so easy to fall back into bad habits. So.F-ing.Easy.
I hate that this is so hard for me and that I make it harder on myself than it needs to be. It's easy - eat less, move more. But it's not that easy, I guess. Anyway, I've been gaining and losing the same 9 lbs since then. Because yes, I did see 250 again on the scale. I have not seen that number since 2008? It's been awhile. None of my clothes fit and I'm miserable.
I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. You think by now, I would have learned better. I haven't. Maybe one day I will! :)
Anyway, I have set a super unreasonable goal for myself. Probably not the best idea but I need to get on track and have something to wear to Vegas. Even if I don't meet it, I will at least, I hope anyway, have worked exercise back in on a regular basis. One thing I plan to start doing is walking the stairs at work on my 2 15 minute breaks. I sit all day now and at least this will get me moving more during the day!! :)
Now on to happier things...
I was matched with my running buddy today!! I learned about this great group from my friends from my running group on FB. http://www.whoirun4.com/about-ir4/. I can't wait to learn more about my buddy and his family! :) I ran my first miles for him today - I did 8 miles on the treadmill!!
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
I ran last night
I did 3 miles. It was not an easy run - I was tired, having trouble breathing and my ankles were sore. I now sit all day at work and I've found a few times that my ankles are sore when I try to run after work. It's so annoying. It does kind of work its self out after awhile but it can be frustrating. It wasn't too bad last night though.
Anyway, I didn't feel GOOD during the run. It was hard. I did run the last mile at 5 mph, which was hard. And thinking about that sucks because in the fall, I was running at 6 mph and it felt easy and good. So that kind of sucks. But, in January, I could barely run at like 4.5 mph so I'm getting faster.
But after - after I felt SOOOO good. I had run out the stress of my day and felt amazing. It helped me eat well the rest of the night - so that is always a good thing.
I did not run tonight, I should have, but I didn't. I plan to run tomorrow evening on the treadmill but on Friday, it's going to be 40 and SUNNY!! I'm totally going to run outside. I can't wait. I'll be in shorts! :)
I really should post a picture of my wrist. lol who would think you could injure your wrist on the treadmill!
Anyway, I didn't feel GOOD during the run. It was hard. I did run the last mile at 5 mph, which was hard. And thinking about that sucks because in the fall, I was running at 6 mph and it felt easy and good. So that kind of sucks. But, in January, I could barely run at like 4.5 mph so I'm getting faster.
But after - after I felt SOOOO good. I had run out the stress of my day and felt amazing. It helped me eat well the rest of the night - so that is always a good thing.
I did not run tonight, I should have, but I didn't. I plan to run tomorrow evening on the treadmill but on Friday, it's going to be 40 and SUNNY!! I'm totally going to run outside. I can't wait. I'll be in shorts! :)
I really should post a picture of my wrist. lol who would think you could injure your wrist on the treadmill!
Monday, March 3, 2014
Sorry for the lack of posts...
But I am still running. Kind of. I had a bad run last weekend - I was scheduled to do 10 and I did 2. And I mostly walked. I did not want to do it on the treadmill and the conditions at the park I run at were not ideal for running. Lots of slushy water and lots of snow and areas covered in ice and water. So I did 2 miles and went home.
I did a 5 mile run on the treadmill last night and bruised up my wrist. lol. Only me, right? So, I tend to move my arms weird and I kept tapping my wrist on the front bar on my treadmill. When you do that over and over you'll get a bruise. And this is actually the 2nd time I've done this. It looks really bad - I think people who don't know me may think I don't have a safe home life because of how bad it looks.
Yesterday I made up my 10 mile run. And did it on the treadmill. It wasn't horrible - I'd rather run outside, that's for sure. But it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be the previous weekend. It was doable and I may have to do 12 on it next weekend. Hopefully not, but I'm prepared to do it. I can do it.
Anyway, I was able to keep my pace fairly steady at 4.1 - which is around 14:30/mile. Which is near what my goal pace is for the race this May. So I felt good about that. I did up the pace the last mile, mainly because I was just ready to be done. I did have to stop a few times - needed a new bondiband (since I was at home I figured I could take the time and get a dry one), had to fix my shoe, needed some more water (my waterboy was busy! :) ) and had to eat part of a luna bar. It wasn't a perfect run - I would have prefered to NOT stop for those things. I walked a couple of times too - to drink and eat and just to catch my breath for a minute the last mile. But over all, I'm satisfied with how that run went. I just hope my treadmill is accurate - because I don't feel too bad for running 10 miles.
I took today off - mainly because I didn't sleep well. But I plan to get on the treadmill tomorrow and continue adding in weights.
Still fat - not losing much weight because I keep having unhealthy days where I just overeat. :/ Back on track (again) tomorrow.
Oh and my 5 mile run last week on the treadmill = awesome. I felt so good when I finished. I did my version of speed work and had fun. I like runs where I have fun!! :D
I did a 5 mile run on the treadmill last night and bruised up my wrist. lol. Only me, right? So, I tend to move my arms weird and I kept tapping my wrist on the front bar on my treadmill. When you do that over and over you'll get a bruise. And this is actually the 2nd time I've done this. It looks really bad - I think people who don't know me may think I don't have a safe home life because of how bad it looks.
Yesterday I made up my 10 mile run. And did it on the treadmill. It wasn't horrible - I'd rather run outside, that's for sure. But it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be the previous weekend. It was doable and I may have to do 12 on it next weekend. Hopefully not, but I'm prepared to do it. I can do it.
Anyway, I was able to keep my pace fairly steady at 4.1 - which is around 14:30/mile. Which is near what my goal pace is for the race this May. So I felt good about that. I did up the pace the last mile, mainly because I was just ready to be done. I did have to stop a few times - needed a new bondiband (since I was at home I figured I could take the time and get a dry one), had to fix my shoe, needed some more water (my waterboy was busy! :) ) and had to eat part of a luna bar. It wasn't a perfect run - I would have prefered to NOT stop for those things. I walked a couple of times too - to drink and eat and just to catch my breath for a minute the last mile. But over all, I'm satisfied with how that run went. I just hope my treadmill is accurate - because I don't feel too bad for running 10 miles.
I took today off - mainly because I didn't sleep well. But I plan to get on the treadmill tomorrow and continue adding in weights.
Still fat - not losing much weight because I keep having unhealthy days where I just overeat. :/ Back on track (again) tomorrow.
Oh and my 5 mile run last week on the treadmill = awesome. I felt so good when I finished. I did my version of speed work and had fun. I like runs where I have fun!! :D
Sunday, February 16, 2014
It still shocks me
That my legs can keep moving on long runs. That I can go on long runs.
Today I did 9 miles. I'm the heaviest I've been in a long time and the heaviest I've been going this far. But I still felt pretty good during my run. I had to go slow because of the conditions on the path and the fact that I am just a slow runner.
But I was thinking during this run - that sometimes it still is shocking to me that I run and that I am capable of going long distances. I still don't really consider myself an athlete. Especially right now, since I'm so heavy AND so slow. I am so proud of myself for getting through this run and not stopping. I so wanted to stop a few times. It was cold and the path was snow covered, slushy and icy. But I kept going and felt SO good!! :)
And I did run twice last week (super short runs which I was NOT happy about) but did not blog about it. I really had wanted too - but I was too mad at myself to post about it. I guess I should have still wrote about it. Maybe it would have helped me.
I really needed my run today too - I heard a particular song on the radio this morning that just got me, like it usually does. And I was crying and thinking about things and how different my life might have been. I'm happy with how my life is going but I still get sad about things sometimes - today was one of those days. Stupid songs. And stupid me for not changing the station. But those old feelings of deserving to feel sad came back, so I kept it there. And was just crying in the car on the way to Biggby. But at least I ran my feelings out this afternoon rather than eating them. That's a plus, right?
Sorry this is kind of all over the place, I was writing while cooking dinner and then finished it up after I ate dinner. Anyway. Next weekend - my first double digit run in a LONG time. 10 miles.
Oh! I start my new job tomorrow. I'm super nervous but super excited. AND! It should make it easier to exercise/run either before or after work. Since I will have a set schedule and won't have to get up so early that it feels like it's still night to work out. And I no longer have a half hour commute so it'll be easier to run/exercise after because I won't get home after 6 pm. :D
Today I did 9 miles. I'm the heaviest I've been in a long time and the heaviest I've been going this far. But I still felt pretty good during my run. I had to go slow because of the conditions on the path and the fact that I am just a slow runner.
But I was thinking during this run - that sometimes it still is shocking to me that I run and that I am capable of going long distances. I still don't really consider myself an athlete. Especially right now, since I'm so heavy AND so slow. I am so proud of myself for getting through this run and not stopping. I so wanted to stop a few times. It was cold and the path was snow covered, slushy and icy. But I kept going and felt SO good!! :)
And I did run twice last week (super short runs which I was NOT happy about) but did not blog about it. I really had wanted too - but I was too mad at myself to post about it. I guess I should have still wrote about it. Maybe it would have helped me.
I really needed my run today too - I heard a particular song on the radio this morning that just got me, like it usually does. And I was crying and thinking about things and how different my life might have been. I'm happy with how my life is going but I still get sad about things sometimes - today was one of those days. Stupid songs. And stupid me for not changing the station. But those old feelings of deserving to feel sad came back, so I kept it there. And was just crying in the car on the way to Biggby. But at least I ran my feelings out this afternoon rather than eating them. That's a plus, right?
Sorry this is kind of all over the place, I was writing while cooking dinner and then finished it up after I ate dinner. Anyway. Next weekend - my first double digit run in a LONG time. 10 miles.
Oh! I start my new job tomorrow. I'm super nervous but super excited. AND! It should make it easier to exercise/run either before or after work. Since I will have a set schedule and won't have to get up so early that it feels like it's still night to work out. And I no longer have a half hour commute so it'll be easier to run/exercise after because I won't get home after 6 pm. :D
Friday, February 7, 2014
I forgot to write about my run last night!
It was ok - I put the pace at 5 mph and kept with it for pretty much the whole 2 miles. I did up it near the end to 5.1 to get done a little faster. I did have to stop a few times after a mishap with the recycling bin (lol... recycling fell all over the treadmill as I was running on it... I was dodging plastic jugs and cardboard boxes) and to turn on the overhead fan.
I think I am done with pop for awhile. I had diet coke yesterday and omg I felt like crap last night. I don't drink pop often - especially when I am eating well (which is not right now). But I think the combination of the caffiene and artificial sweetener made me feel sick. Thankfully that is not a hard thing for me to give up because I can't drink/consume a lot of caffiene because it makes me jittery unless I am using it prior and during a run and I prefer to drink water most of the time anyway.
But I felt good during my run - it was hard, that's for sure. But I had fun. I just hope it warms up soon (I'll take 35 and sunny!) so I can run outside more often. It's just too cold for me.
I think I am done with pop for awhile. I had diet coke yesterday and omg I felt like crap last night. I don't drink pop often - especially when I am eating well (which is not right now). But I think the combination of the caffiene and artificial sweetener made me feel sick. Thankfully that is not a hard thing for me to give up because I can't drink/consume a lot of caffiene because it makes me jittery unless I am using it prior and during a run and I prefer to drink water most of the time anyway.
But I felt good during my run - it was hard, that's for sure. But I had fun. I just hope it warms up soon (I'll take 35 and sunny!) so I can run outside more often. It's just too cold for me.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Thank you, Moulin Rouge and The Biggest Loser
For getting me through this awful run on the treadmill. I had 7 miles to do and had planned to do it outside but chickend out. It was cold out and when I got to the park, I had to pee and the bathrooms are closed for the season. And I was cold. And wanted to not run at all.
So I came home and got on the treadmill. It sucked. I kept stopping - had to go to the bathroom, start the next video, turn on the fan. I told myself that I could stop at 3.5 miles. That I didn't have to do the full 7. Well 3.5 came and then 4 and then 5.
And I started to feel good. I did the last 2 miles in just over 28 minutes and my last mile was my fastest. I wanted to run faster. I kept upping the speed and was keeping up. My last mile was 13:40 but my overall pace was 15:13. Which I am really happy about.
I added some songs from Moulin Rouge to my ipod and having new music has been super helpful this week. I forgot how much I liked the music from that movie :)
I was also watching TBL and seeing them finish a tri was pretty awesome. I'm not sure if I'll ever do a tri but hearing the woman who won, talk to herself and encourage herself inspired me to keep going and finish my run strong.
So yeah, 7 miles DONE! DONE! :D Next week's 5 miles is nothing... and then...NINE miles. It's been forever since I've gone that far. I just hope I can do it outside and NOT on the treadmill.
My pace and distance are improving. I still have that eating part to work on.
So I came home and got on the treadmill. It sucked. I kept stopping - had to go to the bathroom, start the next video, turn on the fan. I told myself that I could stop at 3.5 miles. That I didn't have to do the full 7. Well 3.5 came and then 4 and then 5.
And I started to feel good. I did the last 2 miles in just over 28 minutes and my last mile was my fastest. I wanted to run faster. I kept upping the speed and was keeping up. My last mile was 13:40 but my overall pace was 15:13. Which I am really happy about.
I added some songs from Moulin Rouge to my ipod and having new music has been super helpful this week. I forgot how much I liked the music from that movie :)
I was also watching TBL and seeing them finish a tri was pretty awesome. I'm not sure if I'll ever do a tri but hearing the woman who won, talk to herself and encourage herself inspired me to keep going and finish my run strong.
So yeah, 7 miles DONE! DONE! :D Next week's 5 miles is nothing... and then...NINE miles. It's been forever since I've gone that far. I just hope I can do it outside and NOT on the treadmill.
My pace and distance are improving. I still have that eating part to work on.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
All 3 runs in this week!
Though, not exactly when and how I was supposed to do them. This week my schedule had 3 3 mile runs for Tues, Wed and Thursday plus a long run on the weekend (7 miles). Last week, I skipped two of the 3 mile runs and only did one and the long run. This week I did run 3x but did 1.2 miles, 4 miles and 3.8 miles. And plan to do 7 miles tomorrow.
But! It's better. I'm slowly improving at doing all the runs. I do still plan to try to make up those 6 miles I missed the first week. Maybe I'll try to get one in next week.
I had to run on the treadmill again today. I was not paying attention to the weather and should have run yesterday - no snow and it was "warm". But I didn't and today we're getting like 5 inches. I was going to just do my long run in the park today, because, despite the snow it's kind of "warm" and there isn't much wind. But I'm not sure how quickly they clear the path at the park and I kept hearing sirens outside so I really didn't want to drive today.
And hey, I was a minute faster per mile today for my almost 4 miles than I was last week with a 3 mile run. That's an improvement! I kept a fairly steady pace of 12:45 for almost 3 miles and then was trying to get done quicker and would up the speed and then have to lower it again. I did take a pee break and two water breaks but overall I felt better during *most* of this run. Which is again, an improvement.
I'm still sucking at food though. As I eat a cookie. And am having tacos for dinner. Ugh. It's hard. It's not my husband's fault at all, but it's just easier when we both are on board with eating better. I need to just stop buying and eating junk. I did have a healthy salad for breakfast though. :) It's so easy to have a healthy salad when you hate ALL salad dressings though :)
Oh and I ran in new socks today. I <3 my new socks. http://wrightsock.myshopify.com/collections/double-layer/products/running-ii I love these socks. They were the first running sock that I bought and I have never switched. I don't get blisters and they are so soft.
But! It's better. I'm slowly improving at doing all the runs. I do still plan to try to make up those 6 miles I missed the first week. Maybe I'll try to get one in next week.
I had to run on the treadmill again today. I was not paying attention to the weather and should have run yesterday - no snow and it was "warm". But I didn't and today we're getting like 5 inches. I was going to just do my long run in the park today, because, despite the snow it's kind of "warm" and there isn't much wind. But I'm not sure how quickly they clear the path at the park and I kept hearing sirens outside so I really didn't want to drive today.
And hey, I was a minute faster per mile today for my almost 4 miles than I was last week with a 3 mile run. That's an improvement! I kept a fairly steady pace of 12:45 for almost 3 miles and then was trying to get done quicker and would up the speed and then have to lower it again. I did take a pee break and two water breaks but overall I felt better during *most* of this run. Which is again, an improvement.
I'm still sucking at food though. As I eat a cookie. And am having tacos for dinner. Ugh. It's hard. It's not my husband's fault at all, but it's just easier when we both are on board with eating better. I need to just stop buying and eating junk. I did have a healthy salad for breakfast though. :) It's so easy to have a healthy salad when you hate ALL salad dressings though :)
Oh and I ran in new socks today. I <3 my new socks. http://wrightsock.myshopify.com/collections/double-layer/products/running-ii I love these socks. They were the first running sock that I bought and I have never switched. I don't get blisters and they are so soft.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
2 blogs in one night!
Mainly because I forgot to blog after my run on Tuesday. Tonight I did 4.102 miles on the treadmill. I alternated walking and running. I would walk a song and then run a song. I started out at 4.5 for the running songs but would increase my speed and made it up to 5.1 for the last running song. I felt out of breath but not as bad as I thought I would at 5.1. It totally sucks that I was running much faster just a couple of months ago but I'm already feeling stronger. That's good, right?
But this was actually kind of fun. Fun on the treadmill?!?!? That's crazy! :) But it really was. I'll have to add in incline next time to make it harder but I didn't start watching the clock on the treadmill until 49 mins. So that's pretty good - considering usually I am tempted to look at the clock the entire time I'm on the treadmill.
I'm doing better, kind of, with my diet (diet as in what I eat, not that I'm on a "diet"). My breakfast and lunch are perfect. And I feel full and satisfied and it's all healthy. Breakfast has been a serving of granola, almonds and yogurt. Lunch has been spinach salad with seeds and nuts and dried cranberries and carrots along with a yogurt and an orange. And a cheese stick mid morning for a snack.
And then I get home. Then I over eat at dinner. And then snack after. Though I haven't snacked every single night. But it's still hard. I'm getting there. Slowly.
But this was actually kind of fun. Fun on the treadmill?!?!? That's crazy! :) But it really was. I'll have to add in incline next time to make it harder but I didn't start watching the clock on the treadmill until 49 mins. So that's pretty good - considering usually I am tempted to look at the clock the entire time I'm on the treadmill.
I'm doing better, kind of, with my diet (diet as in what I eat, not that I'm on a "diet"). My breakfast and lunch are perfect. And I feel full and satisfied and it's all healthy. Breakfast has been a serving of granola, almonds and yogurt. Lunch has been spinach salad with seeds and nuts and dried cranberries and carrots along with a yogurt and an orange. And a cheese stick mid morning for a snack.
And then I get home. Then I over eat at dinner. And then snack after. Though I haven't snacked every single night. But it's still hard. I'm getting there. Slowly.
1.2 miles
Ok so for an early morning run, that's kind of short and pathetic. But it was my first morning run in a long time and I was really tired. I really needed to run because I was super nervous.
That day, Tuesday, I was putting in my notice at work. I've worked at this place for 9 years. 9 years! I've been super unhappy and really need a change. But it's kind of scary too. But when I think about it, running long distances used to be really scary too. But now, it's still scary, but I know I can do it. I am excited to make this change and I think it's something I really need.
And also, it will make it easier for me to run. I won't have to get up so early if I want to run in the morning and I will get home earlier so it'll be easier to run at night.
It felt good to run in the morning again. I just need to start doing it more.
That day, Tuesday, I was putting in my notice at work. I've worked at this place for 9 years. 9 years! I've been super unhappy and really need a change. But it's kind of scary too. But when I think about it, running long distances used to be really scary too. But now, it's still scary, but I know I can do it. I am excited to make this change and I think it's something I really need.
And also, it will make it easier for me to run. I won't have to get up so early if I want to run in the morning and I will get home earlier so it'll be easier to run at night.
It felt good to run in the morning again. I just need to start doing it more.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
I am STILL cold!
Today I did my first long run of my marathon training. I had a hard time this week running and skipped two 3 mile runs. I plan to make one up tomorrow though! It was just stupid excuses that caused me to not run.
So today, after reading about a friend getting out there in the cold, snowy weather, I decided I better get moving. And because the weather is going to be worse tomorrow, I did my long run outside today. It was "warm" ;) (at 20 degrees when I started).
I did 6 miles today and overall, had fun. I was cold but I smiled a lot.
But I also did a lot of thinking and thought about how my run today was somewhat of a waste. Yes, it's good that I did it and am building my miles back up even though it was slow. It's a waste because of how I've been eating. I am not eating well. I'm over eating and eating a lot of junk. I am doing better than I was in November and December but I am still not doing well. I need to do better.
Anyway, I think I am ready. Ready to get back on track and lose the weight I regained over the holidays and get back to losing weight and getting under 200 lbs. I know I have said this so many times but I want to make this time stick! It was so uncomfortable running today. I can feel my fat on my back. And it's the most annoying uncomfortable feeling. I'll probably write more tomorrow about getting back on track.
Back to the run: I started out at 14 min miles and ended up at almost 18 min miles for the last mile. lol I was so cold! I couldn't feel my legs or my arms or my hands. And my feet! They are still cold. I strained my right hip this time but I think I did that from having to run up a hill in the snow - I could feel it kind of pull it. But it's feeling ok now so hopefully it doesn't come back.
This older lady who was walking (with a walking stick!) said to me "We deserve a medal for getting out here today, like at the Olympics!" I laughed and agreed with her. But this run is getting me closer to that medal - to finish the race I didn't finish 4 years ago. :)
So today, after reading about a friend getting out there in the cold, snowy weather, I decided I better get moving. And because the weather is going to be worse tomorrow, I did my long run outside today. It was "warm" ;) (at 20 degrees when I started).
I did 6 miles today and overall, had fun. I was cold but I smiled a lot.
But I also did a lot of thinking and thought about how my run today was somewhat of a waste. Yes, it's good that I did it and am building my miles back up even though it was slow. It's a waste because of how I've been eating. I am not eating well. I'm over eating and eating a lot of junk. I am doing better than I was in November and December but I am still not doing well. I need to do better.
Anyway, I think I am ready. Ready to get back on track and lose the weight I regained over the holidays and get back to losing weight and getting under 200 lbs. I know I have said this so many times but I want to make this time stick! It was so uncomfortable running today. I can feel my fat on my back. And it's the most annoying uncomfortable feeling. I'll probably write more tomorrow about getting back on track.
Back to the run: I started out at 14 min miles and ended up at almost 18 min miles for the last mile. lol I was so cold! I couldn't feel my legs or my arms or my hands. And my feet! They are still cold. I strained my right hip this time but I think I did that from having to run up a hill in the snow - I could feel it kind of pull it. But it's feeling ok now so hopefully it doesn't come back.
This older lady who was walking (with a walking stick!) said to me "We deserve a medal for getting out here today, like at the Olympics!" I laughed and agreed with her. But this run is getting me closer to that medal - to finish the race I didn't finish 4 years ago. :)
Thursday, January 23, 2014
First Marathon Training Run of 2014
....and I really don't have anything to say about it. I'm slow. I'm fatter (again) and running is hard (again).
I know it will get easier the more I do it. And once I start running outside again it will be better. But until then, it sucks. And I really don't know what else to say.
I know it will get easier the more I do it. And once I start running outside again it will be better. But until then, it sucks. And I really don't know what else to say.
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