But, I've been thinking about writing in this blog for awhile now. I didn't realize how much I wrote until I started seeing my blog posts show back up in the new Facebook memories option.
I started running, again, after about 2 months of no running. Well, 2 months of doing nothing. No running, no zumba, nothing. I had sprained my ankle and recently found out it was not just a sprain but a fracture too. I've never had a fractured or broken bone but have sprained both of my ankles numerous times and I did it again. It's so embarrassing how it happened. It wasn't while running or biking or anything. I fell. While on vacation in Las Vegas. I fell on the stage at Chippendales when I was about to get my picture taken with strippers. Yes, I fell on the stage in front of all the strippers and other women there. I flipped over the front of my bike a few years ago on a trail and got up and rode a few more trails. I didn't break anything and was fine. I fall on stage in front of a bunch of pretty guys and I fracture my ankle. Nice. It's such a Liz thing to do, I really shouldn't be surprised.
That's the picture, in case you wanted to see it. I sprained (fractured) my ankle right before they took this picture. lol oh well, it's a funny story, right? And that guy next to me hugged me and told me it was not as bad as the fall he had recently.
Anyway, before going to Las Vegas and falling (twice but the other time I hit my right knee) I was training for the Bayshore Marathon. Kind of. I had planned to still do it but was unsure if I was going to finish before they closed the finish line. I was still going to do it and just do what I could. I had a few long runs in April, a 10 mile and a 13.1 mile. So I had gone a few longer distance, although slowly. I was not enjoying running and was doing it because I felt like I had to because I was signed up for this race. I had a few runs that I had enjoyed but overall, it felt forced and I wasn't trying too hard.
Then I got hurt. I realized how active I was and how active I want to be and how much it sucked to be forced to do nothing. I couldn't run - I could barely walk. I went to see an ortho doctor and was given the ok to run, but to go slow (not a problem) and not go far (kind of a problem). She said I could go but to not go out and run 4 miles in my first run back (as my friend said to me, did I tell her that was a SHORT run for me?? I didn't but just said ok). I was still afraid to go and was going to wait until my first physical therapy appointment but then it was my birthday. On June 28th. I have almost always run at least a 5k on or around my birthday. It's a birthday 5k that I always win :)
I thought about going and was up early and it was a beautiful day. It was the perfect day. I had someone tell me one time on my birthday "Happy New Year" rather than the standard "Happy Birthday". And that popped into my head (it was another runner that I know) and thought, this is my new year, I am turning 35. I know I can't go far but I can still go.
So I went.
It was slow. It was short, 1.25 miles and it was exactly what I needed. I walked .25 mile and then started running. It was so hard. I couldn't breathe. I kept going though and then this song came on:
I knew the first time I heard it, that it was going to be one of my favorite running songs. And I wasn't wrong. I was almost sobbing and had to calm myself down because I couldn't breathe! lol... I was just so happy and remembered why I loved running so much. What it did for me. How it made me feel. I can't even explain the happiness that I felt and that I knew I was back on the right path and was going to become the runner I was, the runner I want to be.
I finished my run, with this song on repeat. And felt so amazing. It had been a long time since I felt like that. It didn't matter that I had gained so much weight back (more on that later, I'm sure) or that I could only go one loop when in the past I've done 10, or that I was so slow that I could barely say I was running. I didn't care. I felt so amazing that all of that stuff dropped away at that moment. I was smiling during the run and just wanted to keep going. I stopped though and of course took a picture, or 2.
I went running 4 times last week. All short runs, all slow runs. But something came back that I had been missing. I always have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning to go run before work. I did not have a big problem doing it last week (or today). Because I wanted to get out there. I wanted to go run. That's huge for me. I don't know how long it will last, but I'm going to take advantage of it and get up early and go run before I go to work.
I also realized something else. I've been really hard on myself lately. I've gained back a bunch of weight (read almost all of it). I had lost about 15 lbs training for Bayshore but being off two months and being depressed about it, I gained that right back. So. I've been beating myself up. Talking negatively to myself (which I know does not help at.all) and seeing all the negatives about my body when I look in a mirror or at a picture.
But, that's starting to change again. I looked at the pictures above and posted them on FB. And didn't think about my much fuller face. I instead saw my freckles and realized that I like the freckles on my nose and cheeks. I put on shorts this past weekend and instead of thinking about how much bigger my legs are now and how I had to put on a size 22 shorts (a size 22!! :/ ) I thought about how nice my legs looked, with my tan and how strong they were to be carrying around this body on a healing fractured ankle at this weight on 4 runs this past week.
It'll take time to completely silence those negative voices again (or at least get them to a point where I can drown them out my positive comments) but I think I'm on my way there again.
I hope so anyway. I have more to write about but I need to get to bed - I have to get up early, to run :D and that makes me so happy!