It still shocks me

That my legs can keep moving on long runs.  That I can go on long runs. 

Today I did 9 miles.  I'm the heaviest I've been in a long time and the heaviest I've been going this far.  But I still felt pretty good during my run.  I had to go slow because of the conditions on the path and the fact that I am just a slow runner. 

But I was thinking during this run - that sometimes it still is shocking to me that I run and that I am capable of going long distances.  I still don't really consider myself an athlete.  Especially right now, since I'm so heavy AND so slow.  I am so proud of myself for getting through this run and not stopping.  I so wanted to stop a few times.  It was cold and the path was snow covered, slushy and icy.  But I kept going and felt SO good!! :)

And I did run twice last week (super short runs which I was NOT happy about) but did not blog about it.  I really had wanted too - but I was too mad at myself to post about it.  I guess I should have still wrote about it.  Maybe it would have helped me.

I really needed my run today too - I heard a particular song on the radio this morning that just got me, like it usually does.  And I was crying and thinking about things and how different my life might have been.  I'm happy with how my life is going but I still get sad about things sometimes - today was one of those days.  Stupid songs.  And stupid me for not changing the station.  But those old feelings of deserving to feel sad came back, so I kept it there.  And was just crying in the car on the way to Biggby.  But at least I ran my feelings out this afternoon rather than eating them.  That's a plus, right? 

Sorry this is kind of all over the place, I was writing while cooking dinner and then finished it up after I ate dinner.  Anyway.  Next weekend - my first double digit run in a LONG time.  10 miles. 

Oh!  I start my new job tomorrow.  I'm super nervous but super excited.  AND!  It should make it easier to exercise/run either before or after work.  Since I will have a set schedule and won't have to get up so early that it feels like it's still night to work out.  And I no longer have a half hour commute so it'll be easier to run/exercise after because I won't get home after 6 pm.  :D