Just Perfect!

I had an awesome run today.  Just perfect.  I felt great during it, and was smiling and just had FUN.  I love it.  I love running.  I love how it makes me feel.  I could smell the flowers, hear the birds, and just enjoyed being outside.  I know the sun wasn't out and it was a little cold, but thats ok.  It was still nice to get outside and have fun.  I did 4.5 in 52:42, which is like my best time ever.  Under 12 min miles.  I looked at the first time I did that same route, back in 2009.  And it took me 1:10:00.  I've improved by almost 18 mins.  Thats pretty good right???


I've been struggling a bit.  I know, when am I NOT struggling?  Its an everyday thing lately, it seems like.  But I'm back up in the 209's.  I know its mostly just water weight and bloating, but its still there, and its because I ate badly for a week or so, and didn't work out.  So my run today re focused me, and really made me think.  I need to let go of something, really let go, and move on, to get under 200 lbs.  I know what it is, and I know I've moved on, moved forward and forgive myself.  But maybe not, because I'm getting close, and something inside me keeps sabotaging me.  I don't know if its related to that or not.  It seems like it is though.  Or maybe not. 


And also, I'm weird, and I will Survive came on during my run:

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me


Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore...

 and I felt like I was singing (yes I will sing when I'm out running ;)) that part to my inner fat girl who keeps coming back!  I really want her to know that I don't want her around anymore!  :) Hey, sometimes silly thoughts like that will get you through a run, and keep you moving! :)


Anyway, I plan to stay on track, and exercise my butt off, literally, this weekend.  I feel so so so so good right now.  I wish I could share some of this good feeling with anyone who needs it.